my so-called final post

I've been struggling with a final post for months now-wanting to wrap this journey of walking (sometimes crawling) on water. I wanted to have something of significance to report. Something about the exciting next steps that the Lord had in store for me.

I guess I'm giving up tying up this blog with a pretty little bow because it's just not happening. The last 4 months have been very difficult--reminiscent of the dark season when I was raising support before leaving for Japan. Going in to the details wouldn't be helpful or very enlightening for anyone. It's been a time of disappointment and miscarried attempts to piece together a life after Japan. In the end, I'm choosing to say (because I have yet to really feel it in the depths of my soul) that God has a plan for my future and will redeem any bad choices I've made.

I'm typing this post at Anderson University in one of my old favorite study spots (2nd floor, Decker Hall, in front of the collection of napkin rings of Karl Krentz!). Talk about full circles. I'm pretty content sipping the coffee that a student in line behind me purchased for me on his points. That felt like a nice homecoming treat. Anderson felt like a good landing spot while I find my feet again and tune in to what it is the Lord is whispering to my heart. Melissa and Andrew Sprock were generous in offering me their guest room for the meantime.

I'm back to assembling resumes and sending them out with a prayer that they find the right hands. It's both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I'm realizing how scared of failure I am and how I've underestimated myself for a long time. I've always been one that hasn't lived up to her full potential. It's time to dig in and figure why that is.

Anderson? Should I be an ESL teacher's aide? Go on a missions trip this summer when the school term is over? Thailand??

Marion? Coordinator of World Impact at Indiana Weslyan, where I'd train students going on missions trips. Gotta say I'm super excited about this position but have yet to hear back.

Wheaton? Be roomies with a fellow former English teacher in Japan? Be an administrative assistant for a ministry called The Christian Working Woman? Volunteer with refugees through World Relief?

Naperville? Assistant Director or Service and Ministry at North Central College? This position is a lot like the one at Indiana Weslyan, but I know nothing about this school.

These are the lines I've cast out there so far. Not sure what the Lord is up to, but I've heard that He has plans, good plans that will work together for the best life possible. I'm trusting that it's true. And at least for the next 15 minutes, I'll have peace about it. Then, when I don't have that peace, I'll freak out a little bit until the loving voice of my Creator calms me once again.