private eyes are watching you, they see your every move

I’m a foreigner. I’m different from everyone else. I’m a Gaijin.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve found myself wanting to sink into the floor every time someone’s eyes linger a little too long. My blonde hair and big hips are not normal around here. In the US, I’m short. Here, I’m a giant. I’ve worked hard to get my weight down to a healthy, average American size. Here, I’m still a giant.

I think the grocery store is the worst. Today, I filled up my cart (which is about 1/3 the size of the American kind-it’s one of those baskets you can carry around put on a metal frame with wheels). I hadn’t been grocery shopping in a while, so I was low on most everything. While looking at milk, trying to decipher the characters for the low-fat kind, a woman did a double take at my selections, as if to say “Whoa, where’s she gonna put all that!” Truth be told, I was wondering the same thing. I got everything in three bags, but was still worried about getting it all home on the scooter.

Sometimes I have fun with the ogling. If the stares belong to children, I like to give a toothy grin and a hearty wave in response. The more they look, the more I wave and smile. Last week, I saw a man pushing a baby stroller (a rare sight in Japan). This put a smile on my face. I didn’t realize that he had a string of preschoolers following him. He must have been their teacher. At first I didn’t realize he was speaking to me when I heard “Good Morning.” Quickly, my brain picked up the English phrase and I waved to the group of children as they all greeted me.

I was in my favorite store last week (the 100 Yen shop-everything is 100 Yen!!! So cheap). Usually I can feel the eyes on me, but this day I must have been really concentrating on the choices of lotion in front of me. When I looked up, a middle-aged man asked, in English, “Where are you from?” I was so surprised, I stumbled over my reply. “I’m American.” “Please enjoy Japan,” he said with a smile.

I’m struggling with my different-ness. How do I balance the need to be culturally relevant and sensitive and maintain my cultural identity?

I never thought I'd...

>>see a grown man carry a cell phone with small stuffed animals attached to it. The men here wear and carry a lot of things that we consider "girly" in the states. I saw some pretty crazy baby blue cordoroy pants today that I'd have a hard time pulling off.

>>take my trash for a walk. The trash is collected twice a week in one central location per neighborhood.

>>freeze my leftovers that are going in the trash (orange peels and other food stuff). The humidity quickly turns these types of waste into a smelly mess. The Bartons have taught me to put this stuff in a bag and pop it in the freezer!

>>carry around tissue at all times because you never know if public bathrooms will have t.p. or paper towel. Thankfully, businesses often have people handing out flyers and other things for advertisements. Most of the time, they give you small packs of tissue with their business info on the package.

>>have to advert my eyes on the train because a man is reading a pornographic newspaper. Yuck.

>>eat pig cheek. It's not good. Trust me.

octopus balls, gospel music and swimming under the stars

Everyday that passes here, I'm kicking myself for not having a camera! Yesterday was a prime example.

I had the day off of teaching because it was Respect for the Aged day. A small group of ladies from the church and I rode the train down the line a couple of stops to Akashi. We walked through the fish market and saw (and smelled!) all kinds of strange looking creatures from the sea caught only blocks away. I squealed with delight and wonder at the small octopus dried and stretched out on a hanger. I laughed to see an octopus crawling around it's box. My reserve escaped me, and the full Millie emerged as I was disgusted and delighted at the same time. I think I amused everyone around me.

I was nervous about our upcoming lunch of Takoyaki (fried balls of dough with Octopus in the center). I've tried it before and wasn't impressed with what tasted like raw dough in the center. But, I'm learning to eat a lot of things that really don't taste that great without gagging. So, we sat down in a tiny restaurant at a tiny table. I watched the cooks making the food behind the counter just in front of me. He put the serving tray with the Takoyaki on the counter and the waitress brought them to us. There were about 15 of these balls on the tray. I thought the four of us would share the tray. But no. The entire tray was for me. I gulped down my apprehension, put on my "High Road" face and dug in. They were actually good! In fact, I would say delicious. The difference from last time is that it came with a broth that I added fresh green herbs and a spice to. I dipped the balls in the broth and then sucked them all down. They all made it successfully down the hatch (except for that one I dropped on the floor! Whoops! I seriously have a cramp in my hand from using chop sticks! Sometimes my hand just goes dead!).

After lunch we went to a concert that 2 of our church members were a part of. Black gospel music is HUGE in Japan for some reason that only God knows. Seriously. God is using Whoopi Goldberg (Sister Act) and Kirk Franklin to share the Good News of Jesus in Japan. The music was really good quality, if not a little loud in the tiny sanctuary. The choir members had a lot of energy and passion in their singing--something I haven't seen in a lot of Japanese churches. I think that all the members are Christians so that was encouraging.

That night, I went with one of the ladies to the pool that she's a member of. First, when we walked along the shore to the health club, I realized that I live in a seaside town! I hadn't seen the ocean this close until last night. I had seen the bridge from a distance but didn't realize how close I was. There were palm trees and people playing on the beach. Today I'm planning on taking a picnic lunch to the beach because I have another day off.

The pool was so nice. It has an area where you can walk against the "tide" for exercise outside. I had the perfect view of the crescent moon rising next to the Akashi bridge covered in lights. It was beautiful and so refreshing. I told my friend, I understand why Jesus called himself the Living Water. When I'm thirsty after walking in the hot Japanese weather, all I want is water. The water from this pool was so relaxing and refreshing--it revived my spirit.

So, pictures will be coming soon...once I get a camera!

Grace needed

The first week of teaching has come and gone. Now, I'm halfway through this week, wondering where the time is going. Teaching English is my medium but my purpose is to build relationships where I can live out my faith in Jesus. I might need to post this around my house to remember exactly what it is I'm doing here. In the hours that I spent last week preparing lessons, I caught myself wondering just how much time I should use to plan when my goal is building relationships. I'm told that I'll get faster at planning. Grace.

I'm giving myself grace too in the area of rest. On Friday, I was so exhausted it was impossible to keep my brain straight. I thought I was past jet lag, but it just takes so much energy to live in a foreign country. I hear and see Japanese ALL the time. Today, I talked with a friend on Skype (by the way, if you have it, my name is millie.michael) and had a hard time jump starting my speach. My brain is so used to speaking English slowly and in short phrases-with no slang. You would think speaking less would save energy, but somehow that's not the case. Grace.

I'm not sure when I became such a perfectionist. I've got this weird combination personality where I've got a little of everything. Sometimes I'm so uptight about things, I can drive other people batty (Oh, Lord those people at Seattle's Best Coffee are probably still cursing my name!!!). Other times, I can be totally flexible and spontaneous. I have a hard time not doing something "right" or "good." I hate criticism from others but find myself dishing heaping servings on myself. So, this is another area where grace is needed. I teach 17 different classes in a week. If one of them is less than "perfect," I have to move on and remember my true purpose of being here. Grace.

So, this is what I'm thinking today on my day off. Tomorrow is another day, another opportunity, another chance for grace.