On the move again

I am preparing to move back up north on Sunday. I'll be driving to Wheaton, IL on Sunday and then hitching a ride even farther north up to HoneyRock in Northern WI the next day. I'm going to spend some time catching up with friends and playing in the snow for 2 weeks. Then, I'm making my home in Wheaton while I raise the rest of my support for Japan. I'm planning on working part time so that I can dedicate a big chunk of time to making new support contacts. I also need to find some time to finish my final paper to officially graduate from grad school...

Please pray that my car makes it to Wheaton. The transmission is making a funny noise. I just need it to last a couple more months...

Merry Christmas!!

Hello all! I write this after an exhausting day of holiday retail. whew... I work a shorter shift tomorrow and then dash home for an evening of food with the family. Mom and I have been working on the food all week. The fudge is wonderful...but don't ask me how much I tried this morning.

I pray you all will have a Blessed and Holy celebration of our Lord and Savior. YOU are a blessing to me and I'm so thankful to count you as a friend!

Merry Christmas!

support update

Oh yeah! I forgot to give you the latest numbers for my support raising.

Monthly support raised: $452.50
Monthly support left to go: $2643.12

Start-up support raised: $2,419
Start-up support left to go: $3609.68

When I reach 100% of my start-up expenses (about $6,028.68) and 85% of my montly pledges (about $2,720), I can apply for a VISA to enter Japan. Then I will depart for Japan about 5 months after that goal has been reached.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

The Christmas season is in full swing at my department store. I'm surprised that I haven't been overwhelmed by the commercialism like I was when I worked at the Christian bookstore last year. That was a terrible experience that I plan to never experience again. Working for a secular company has been surprisingly uplifting. I have had some amazing opportunities to serve my co-workers and the customers who come in. I've even had some spiritual discussions with one of my friends there.

I have started making plans for moving back to Wheaton. Looks like I will leave here on the 1st of Jan. to make the 11 hour trek to Chicago-land. Then, the next day I board a bus from Wheaton College to HoneyRock for 2 weeks. I'm desperately in need of some play time in the snow and catching up with my friends Meg and Andrea. I'll be helping out with some winter retreat programming and probably some kitchen duty. Lots and lots of dishes....and cross-country skiing.

When I am done at HoneyRock, I'll be making my new home with David and Aimee Walford in their new home in Wheaton. David and Aimee were fellow HoneyRockers with me last year. They have so generously volunteered their home to me until I leave for Japan. I'm sooooo excited about living near my good friends, church, etc. Nicole's getting married in March. RJ and Jeff's baby is coming in March. I'm going to be involved in a new ministry at Christ Community. It's going to be a busy spring!

small things

My life is becoming consumed with moving clothing from one spot to the next.

Besides having aching shoulders and tired feet, I really am enjoying my job at Dillards. Markdown's are no fun...Hence, the aching shoulders. Does anybody know anything about pinched nerves? I think I might have one. But, I do like helping people find what they are looking for. I love "shopping" with other people's money and I've been able to put some of my artistic side into making displays. There's a friendly sense of competition among co-workers with sales quotas and some really nice older women who are kind and interesting. All of the associates meet in the morning for a meeting. Some may find it tiresome and pointless, but I appreciate the effort made towards building group morale and identity. I'm finding this part-time, seasonal job oddly fulfilling. And for that I praise God. I've needed something to pour myself into, even if it's just temporary.

Tomorrow and Friday I am not working, so I am headed to see Sara Groves and Jars of Clay in concert in Evansville, IN. Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz will also be there. I'm making a mini-retreat of it and staying at a local Super 8 for some time of solitude and reflection. Music always inspires my soul--so I look forward to the way the Lord will speak to me.

Here are some lyrics from Sara's latest release, Add to the Beauty:

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are
And I want to add to the beauty
to tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
that's burning up inside
It comes in small inspirations
It brings redemption to life and work
to our lives and our work

I want to add to the beauty in my daily, mundane life of scanning and stickering tickets on blue jeans.

"You can do no great things, just small things with great love." Mother Theresa

Bittersweet November

November has been a bitter sweet month over the last couple of years. I love fall--the colors, the smells, the sweater weather. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. And, it's a month of remembering hard times for my family. Grief is a slow and long process.

I received some sad news about HoneyRock last night. Two amazing leaders who have had significant influence in my life have been laid off from their positions. The graduate program (of which I was a part of last year) has been canceled. I am sad for the Suttons and the Shepsons. I am sad that other grad students will not have the opportunity to experience community life at HoneyRock. I am sad that HoneyRock is changing. My sadness is mixed with some anger towards the change too. But, I'm trying to remember that God has a purpose for HoneyRock even though it may be different than what I want it to be. HE is the Solid Rock of my beloved home in the Northwoods.

Pray with me for these families that are affected. Pray for us former HoneyRockers--that we will not let bitterness and anger overcome us. Pray that we will hope for a future that will bring many souls into Christ's Kingdom.

I hate to give you all whiplash with the change of theme in this post...but I wanted to share the progress of my support raising. I find this as a positive update. I have 30.75% of the start-up expenses ($1,854 out of 6,000) and 5.54% of my monthly pledges ($167.50 out of 3,000). I also have at least 11 committed individuals who are supporting me in prayer. There are some good things happening here. Thanks so much for being on my team!!!!!!!

Catching up...

Do you ever have those moments where God takes you beyond your expectations? That's what happened to me today. I was sitting in a job interview and thinking, "I can't take this job unless they offer me at least $7.50 an hour." They offered me the job and $9.00 an hour! So, of course I took the offer and am now employed for the holiday season! I'm grateful and eager to get out and about. I'm working in the men's department at Dillards, a department store in a near-by mall. So, if you ever need to be measured for a suit, I can help you out (in a couple of weeks).

I had a friend that I haven't heard from in about 4 or 5 years call me out of the blue today. She and her husband live about 15 minutes away from me! I'm going to visit her tomorrow. I look forward to reconnecting with her.

This weekend I'm traveling to Vevay, IN (south-eastern tip) to speak and sing at the Markland Women's Conference. It's a small conference that a friend of mine has asked me to come to. My prayer is that I can encourage these women with my story of the way the Lord is calling me to surrender my life daily to Him and His Glory.

It looks like I can begin planning on moving back to the Wheaton area after Christmas. More details to come on that...

A lot going on.

Looking forward to spring already!

Just returned from a weekend in Wheaton. So many things on my mind now.
The most exciting is that Nicole and Neile (HoneyRock friends) got engaged this weekend!!! So great! We're all gearing up for a March wedding.

I was blessed to be with my friends this weekend and to hear the wonderful story of how the proposal was pulled off. I love those people!

And, this is why I have so many things on my mind now.

My pastor in Wheaton has offered for me to live in her basement, rent-free for an extended length of time. It's quite a generous offer that I am not able to ignore. I also learned this weekend that I will most likely not be leaving in March as I've originally hoped. It looks like the process for attaining a visa is taking longer this year; in order for me to leave in March, I would need to have the majority of my money by the end of this month. I know that God can do amazing things, and I'm not doubting that He will. But it does appear as if March will not be my month for departing to Japan. I can't say that I'm too sad, as a wedding will be happening that I wouldn't miss for anything.

So, keep reading. I might be moving back to Chicago soon.

Just ambling along

Another late night of internet surfing has led me to a new (to me) artist who I think Kevin Sutton and little Derek would like: Jonatha Brooke. She's a mix of Shaun Colvin and Sara Groves, two of my favs and I'm impressed. Take note: www.jonathabrooke.com

Nothing too new here to report since the last posts. Life here in the south if slow. It's an interesting place to be on this journey. Sometimes you're sprinting, sometimes you're pacing yourself and sometimes you're just ambling along.

One of my friends works out of her home and I heard recently that she dresses up everyday as if she was going to a regular office building. I thought, "Well, that's just silly! What a waste of time and effort! Who cares?!" But, as I sit in a peanut butter smeared t-shirt, I reconsider this. I could use some of her motivation!
Where's the dignity in your life's work if you can't put on some clean pants?

I've caught myself embarrased to tell those I meet that I live with my parents. I don't want to come across as the sterotypical freeloading, unemployed, unshowered slob. My parents really couldn't be more gracious. There's something about coming back home that causes a person to digress from the natural process of maturation. I know that I can't be the easiest person to live with all the time. Sometimes I feel like I am emotionally fifteen years old, only I'm trapped in the body of an older model that's found some bumps and bruises along the way.

By the way, I'm not wearing a peanut butter smeared t-shirt. It's ice cream.

Thirsty for real connection

I just returned yesterday from a wedding in North Carolina. My friends Kevin and Maria (of the HoneyRock clan) married at a beautiful spot in the mountains. It was so nice to be back with some fellow HoneyRockers for a short time, and to be in such a beautiful place was an added comfort.

The inevitable question of "How's it going, living with your parents?" came and I was relieved to find that I hadn't forgotten how to share my thoughts and feelings. (It is going pretty well, by the way. No knock-out scream fests yet...) I was reminded that I am made for connecting with people and when it's not there, I wilt like a bunch of thirsty tulips.

It has been a bit lonely, moving from an intense community of intentional people, to a small family from whom I have been detached for so long. I've been fighting tendencies of extreme laziness and feelings of uselessness due to being unemployed and having too much time on my hands. The things that need to get done just aren't happening.

It's a tricky spot I'm in, but God is much bigger--of this I'm certain.

So, yes Andrea. Blog's just might be for the single and unemployed. But, you'll never know it if you don't read it. ;)

Humble Formalities

The Japanese language is one of humble formalities. I was thinking about this today as I've started an informal online study. When a Japanese person (Nihongin) receives a compliment, she will say "I'm really not as good as you say" or "I have so much to learn." The difference between the Japanese and American manner of speaking was so clear to me today when I watched a daytime talk show host bring attention to a young female pop-star for raising funds for Hurricane Katrina victims. The pop-stars response? "That's not all...I've also helped..." I couldn't believe the audacity of this young woman's cheap plug of self-promotion.

A message of gentleness and humility from a gentle and humble Shepherd may be well received in Japan.

The underside of the loom

So many weeks have passed with too much to unpack (figuratively and physically). My initial eagerness to sort through all of the stuff I've gathered over the last 10 years vanished when I could no longer walk around my room. So, I've put everything away, unsorted. It's got to be dealt with at a later time. A lot like my experience with HoneyRock and the 12-month program... Only I have no choice but to reconcile myself with this process of decompression as I have some final papers to finish up for the program. I can't officially say that I have a masters degree until they're done.

It's a bit overwhelming to look at a March 2006 departure date considering all that needs to be done. Putting away everything unsorted was a necessity for creating some sense of order in the chaos of my mind at the moment.

But, He is an orderly God who sees beyond our frayed edges, isn't He? And for this reason I have much HOPE.

The Tension between Two Worlds

This has been the subject of so many of my thoughts lately. I'm living and ministering here at HoneyRock, in the northwoods of Wisconsin, but I'm ready (or at least I think I am) to be in Japan. For a long time I've had problems with "burning my bridges too quickly." A friend told me to pay attention to these times. What's going on in my surroundings? How's my soul faring? Am I neglecting any part of me that would cause me to jump deck so soon? In a way, this time of unrest has been reaffirming the new direction that my life is taking. I never would have dreamed that I would be a missionary in Japan! Camp ministry has been my world for so long. My wandering toes seem to be God's confirming that it's okay to leave behind 10 summers of camp to go on to something new. So many possibilities.

And still, Jesus did command his disciples to wait in Jerusalem for the gift that was promised to them in the Holy Spirit. This summer holds a purpose for me; I have something to receive yet. I must not charge on recklessly and miss the full gift that has been set aside for me. So, I will be faithful to the calling on ministering at HoneyRock this summer. One day at a time.

Decision Day

I am going to Japan, and I am going with Asian Access! Today was the day I finally decided to go for it. I was thinking I shouldn't delay this any longer. I know that even after talking with the ChOG people, I will want to go with Asian Access, so why delay the inevitable? It would be another month before I was even able to talk the principal at the school. That just felt like an eternity. Now, I can go ahead with the process and get on with it all. It feels great to have this decision made. I feel a definite peace and excitement about being a part of the Asian Access family.

God, thank you for this day. Thank you that you have been guiding this process from the beginning and will continue to do so.

Will I be a water walker?

This is the question that was posed to me on Sunday by the speaker at our worship service. What will I risk for the sake of obedience? Of knowing my Lord more deeply?

This, of course, has to do with choosing between the Church Planting Associate position in Japan, that has been offered to me, and the full-time English teaching position in Tokyo with the Church of God Special Assignment Missionary program, that I am applying for. The CPA is a support based ministry and the SAM position is a paid position.

At this point, it seems that to not go with Asian Access would be to say that I don't believe God will provide for me. Yes, security is a nice thing to have, but really is there another time in my life better than now to do something "risky" like this? Later on, when I have a family, security will have more of a priority, but now I have more freedom, being single.

Risk taking. This is what our Lord, Jesus was calling Peter to do...