my so-called final post

I've been struggling with a final post for months now-wanting to wrap this journey of walking (sometimes crawling) on water. I wanted to have something of significance to report. Something about the exciting next steps that the Lord had in store for me.

I guess I'm giving up tying up this blog with a pretty little bow because it's just not happening. The last 4 months have been very difficult--reminiscent of the dark season when I was raising support before leaving for Japan. Going in to the details wouldn't be helpful or very enlightening for anyone. It's been a time of disappointment and miscarried attempts to piece together a life after Japan. In the end, I'm choosing to say (because I have yet to really feel it in the depths of my soul) that God has a plan for my future and will redeem any bad choices I've made.

I'm typing this post at Anderson University in one of my old favorite study spots (2nd floor, Decker Hall, in front of the collection of napkin rings of Karl Krentz!). Talk about full circles. I'm pretty content sipping the coffee that a student in line behind me purchased for me on his points. That felt like a nice homecoming treat. Anderson felt like a good landing spot while I find my feet again and tune in to what it is the Lord is whispering to my heart. Melissa and Andrew Sprock were generous in offering me their guest room for the meantime.

I'm back to assembling resumes and sending them out with a prayer that they find the right hands. It's both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I'm realizing how scared of failure I am and how I've underestimated myself for a long time. I've always been one that hasn't lived up to her full potential. It's time to dig in and figure why that is.

Anderson? Should I be an ESL teacher's aide? Go on a missions trip this summer when the school term is over? Thailand??

Marion? Coordinator of World Impact at Indiana Weslyan, where I'd train students going on missions trips. Gotta say I'm super excited about this position but have yet to hear back.

Wheaton? Be roomies with a fellow former English teacher in Japan? Be an administrative assistant for a ministry called The Christian Working Woman? Volunteer with refugees through World Relief?

Naperville? Assistant Director or Service and Ministry at North Central College? This position is a lot like the one at Indiana Weslyan, but I know nothing about this school.

These are the lines I've cast out there so far. Not sure what the Lord is up to, but I've heard that He has plans, good plans that will work together for the best life possible. I'm trusting that it's true. And at least for the next 15 minutes, I'll have peace about it. Then, when I don't have that peace, I'll freak out a little bit until the loving voice of my Creator calms me once again.

pressed but not crushed

The tears come at odd times now. I feel like I'm going through a hard break up after leaving Japan. I've avoided looking at pictures, talking too much about it and haven't put together my final newsletter. I just don't know what to say. I rewatched my birthday videos tonight and the the tears came. This is just a hard time and I feel like a crazy person. I've never been so emotional and topsy turvy. I don't like feeling like this and dragging my close friends and family through this crazy mess with me. I was thinking the other night as I was recalling any memorized scripture that I could that I just don't know what I would do without Jesus in my life. If I couldn't cry out to the Lord to steady my shaky knees, what in the world would I do?? What do people do when they have no lasting hope to hold on to? I can't even imagine.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

happy birthday to me

My good friends surprised me last night with a cake that had my face on it! I was tasty!

a full heart

It's Tuesday and I'm distracting myself with a little bit o' blogging. This is the day I've set aside to finish packing and to clean the apartment. I've felt so blessed by this last week and a half. It's been the perfect ending. Here are some final memories:

*Sunday morning, quite a few of my students showed up to hear my final message. One new student, who only started a month ago, came with his wife and newborn baby. His wife quickly offered for me to hold the baby, which kinda surprised me because that seemed like a big act of trust on her part since it was the first time we had met.

*The church gave me a beautiful pearl necklace as a parting/thank you present. One of the church members patted me on the back and said "good job serving the church." I really sensed the Lord's pleasure in this moment.

*Sunday evening was my final Young Time meeting and I was expecting the usual 6 junior high girls to show up and to have a low-key time with them. To make the night special, I thought I'd surprise them by wearing my yukata (summer kimono). I was in the library of the church with my friend who was helping me get dressed. I could hear some kids in the next room and knew that Yudai (my class clown) had arrived since he was repeatedly trying to open the door of the library. When I emerged from the library, I walked into a room filled with kids and moms. Immediately, my students came to me a started handing me cards and gifts. I was overwhelmed. I had no idea so many children would come! There were 18 kids and 6 junior high girls. It was chaotic and beautiful. I loved that the church members put all of this together without my help, not because I don't like helping, but because it speaks to the fact that they are fully capable of leading the children's ministry and to doing it well. I told the woman who was the leader for the evening how pleased I was and how seeing so many children in the church gave me hope for the future. She said that this was a seed that I had planted, which was something I spoke about in my message that morning.

*One of my 8 year old students wrote me a letter in Japanese, so after the kids left the church my friend Masumi helped me read it. The first line says "Watashi wa Millie Sensei ga daisuki desu." Or, "I love Millie Sensei," but this translation doesn't really capture the full meaning. If I asked this student "Do you like puppies?" or "Do you like chocolate ice cream?" she would answer smiling from ear to ear, in a voice as sweet as cotton candy "DAISUKI!" This is the letter that finally broke the dam that had holding back all of my emotions and tears. I was a weepy mess after this.

*A student from Konoike made a really cute card for me and wrote in it: "I feel sad that you're going to leave here. I wish I could talk to you and go to somewhere...but I had a great time with you. I might meet you because of Jesus??" For sure.

shoma

Shoma. His is the face I'll remember for a long time. When he first came to my English class, I wanted to pull out my hair and his. He refused to join in the class repetitions and would lay on the floor when we played a game. The other boys had been studying with me since the beginning and he joined the class later on. He was behind and was struggling.

There were weeks when I had no patience and pretty much ignored him. If he refused to speak, I didn't coax any type of participation out of him. I just stepped over his body on the floor. Maybe 5 months ago, he started to come alive and he's been fully participating in the class with only a few reminders of behavior issues. His mother thanked the pastor's wife because she's noticed a change in him at home too.

Yesterday, I gave the boys some pictures that I had taken one-on-one with them. I included my mailing address in the envelope. After they finished their ice cream, I noticed Shoma standing at the window looking at the envelope. I wondered what he was thinking. Before he left, he came up to me, without any prompting from anyone, he told me "thank you" in the sweetest voice.

My heart is full.

tired of saying goodbye

This picture is from yet another farewell party today. These are my favorite people in Japan. This is the cafe where Asako and I eat lunch every Monday. I love it. It's so homey for me because it's full of American antiques for sale. This is the same place where I found the amazing penguin salt and pepper shakers last year. These ladies have become my family and I love them! At one point, I thought I should be bawling my eyes out, but the tears haven't come just yet. I think I'm too tired to cry. It's been almost a month of non-stop final trips, final dinners, final everything and I'm emotionally and physically spent. I know all the things I should be feeling, but I feel numb to it all. I hope that's not dissatisfying for my friends and students. I hope I don't come across as unaffected or that I'm itching to get out of here.

world tour of masterpieces in an afternoon

The Otsuka art museum houses full-sized reproductions of masterpieces on ceramic boards. A pretty amazing way to view the art that I've only seen in art books.

Thy mercy my God

Thy mercy, my God, is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart and the boast of my tongue;
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affections, and bound my soul fast.

Without Thy sweet mercy I could not live here;
Sin would reduce me to utter despair;
But, through Thy free goodness, my spirits revive,
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart;
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground,
And weep to the praise of the mercy I’ve found.

Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own,
And the covenant love of Thy crucified Son;
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy, and pardon, and righteousness mine.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy, and pardon, and righteousness mine.

words by John Stocker; music by Sandra McCracken

freedom that is ours

I received this message in a daily devotional. It spoke to me about the freedom that has been freely given to me and made me thankful for a Savior who gave his life for me.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Corinthians 3:17)

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is proof—credibility—evidence of the fact that God is at work. (2 Corinthians 3:1-3)

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is adequacy—the ability to do what God wants us to do. (2 Corinthians 3:4-5)

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, all rules are off. We're operating under the singular law of love that encompasses all others. (2 Corinthians 3:6)

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is life. The law kills, but the Spirit gives life. (2 Corinthians 3:6)

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is boldness to be who you are. (2 Corinthians 3:12-13)

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is no need to hide, or cover up, or put on a false front. (2 Corinthians 3:16)

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is hope. (2 Corinthians 3:12)

This weekend, while America celebrates its independence, we celebrate our independence from ourselves and our freedom to life in the Spirit. Risky, unpredictable, transparent, bold, adventurous, transforming life in the Spirit.

my 4th of July weekend

busy! But, oh so nice!

all pictures can be viewed at: http://picasaweb.google.com/Millie.Michael

Pensive, Doubting, Fearful Heart

Pensive, doubting, fearful heart

Hear what Christ the Savior says

Every word should joy impart

Change thy mourning into praise

Yes, He speaks and speaks to thee

May He help thee to believe

Then thou presently will see

Thou has little cause to grieve

Fear thou not, nor be ashamed

All thy sorrows soon shall end

I, who heaven and earth have framed

Am thy Husband and thy Friend

I, the High and Holy One

Israel's God, by all adored

As thy Savior will be known

Thy Redeemer and thy Lord

For a moment I withdrew

And thy heart was filled with pain

But my mercies I'll renew

Thou shall soon rejoice again

Though I seem to hide my face

Very soon my wrath shall cease

'Tis but for a moment's space

Ending in eternal peace

Though afflicted, tempest tossed

Comfortless awhile thou art

Do not think thou can be lost

Thou art graven on my heart

All thy wastes I will repair

Thou shalt be rebuilt anew

And in thee it shall appear

What the God of love can do

words by John Newton, 1779

Check out Red Mountain Church:

http://www.redmountainchurch.org/rmm/alb/lyrics.html

finding my heartbeat again

fear. let's be honest here. How many decisions do you make based on fear? fear of what others will think/say. fear of missing out on something. fear of regretting something later on.

The one message that is repeated over and over in the Bible is "Do not be afraid." I often go back to Peter walking on the water and how he began to sink when his eyes were taken off of the Lord and he noticed the waves crashing around him. The reality of his situation was surrounding him and he thought, as we all would, "What am I doing?!"

I've had some of this sinking going on in the last month. The reality of going back home to square one is staring me in the face. It's hard. I've had some disappointments here. It hasn't been exactly what I'd hoped it would be. Going back to no big plan isn't exactly what I would call success.

What have I done with these fears? I've not trusted the Lord with my life. I've turned to relationships back home that could make me feel safe instead of putting my life, my hopes and desires in the only hands that are capable to handle them. I've become a whiner, kicking and screaming for my own way, demanding to know time lines and promises that aren't mine to be had just yet. I've been a real treat.

So then, what's to be done with all this mess? The only thing that can be done is to cry out, once again to the Lord and to confess that I haven't trusted him to give me good things. I have placed my own knowledge ahead of his. I have made an idol of safety and an ideal life.

And the Lord runs to me and wraps his arms around me because he sees my broken heart. He draws me close to his chest and I can hear his heart beating again, tuning my own heartbeat to his and there's no other place I'd rather be.

a sweet sweat

There's something really nice about sweating on purpose. Asako wanted to give me a gift that I didn't have to carry home since I have A TON of stuff, so she arranged for us to have a fun day of pampering by going to the spa where we lay on slabs of HOT marble. I could feel the sweat rolling down my back and I loved every minute of it. Getting out all the impurities from my pores. There's some deeper Truth in this, I think. Then, we had an amazing hour long aroma therapy massage. I thought about what Jesus did when he washed his disciples feet and the act of service that he demonstrated. My masseuse was being paid to rub me down, but if you've ever had a massage with no expectation of giving one in return, you get my drift. Anyway, it was a great day and the best gift anyone has ever given me.

Playing supunzu

Please notice how happy Mr. Oyagi is to snatch a spoon! Precious!

Mukade Attacks!

It's rainy season in Japan and that means that the centipedes are here too. These are creepy creatures that make us all crazy! At the end of one of my kid's English classes, we had this uninvited guest. It took about 20 minutes, but we finally got rid of the thing. I was so happy that I brought my camera and got to capture this priceless moment!

unexpected

This was a most interesting day. I've been learning all kinds of lessons lately about making plans and not making plans and searching out God's best plans for my life. Today's curriculum followed suit.

I had invited the student that I wrote about a few posts ago to a beach party put on by a group of churches. There would be a bunch of young, Japanese people who love Jesus and possibly a baptism or two there. I was surprised that she quickly and gladly accepted the invitation (why was I so surprised!? The Lord's really working on her heart!). She was interested in seeing what this baptism thing is all about and to meet the pastors of some young and exciting international churches in the area. The plan was to meet her at the party and see if she would be open to meeting with me and the pastor and his wife to talk through the experience on Thursday. The pastor and his wife were really excited and I was too because it would be a chance to really tag team this ministry thing.

Well, this morning when I woke up it was raining off and on, so the beach party was off. I emailed her and confirmed the cancellation. I was bummed and felt even worse later because the rain totally cleared up. The party/baptism was probably still going to happen but it was too late to reverse the cancellation! (okay...why am I feeling guilty about this? I know I'm good, but I CAN'T control the weather!!)

I reminded myself that there must be a good reason the Lord was turning things in this direction, and this truth was soon evident. We had a young lady come to the church for the first time. Through some broken English/Japanese we discovered that we both love singing and playing piano. She lives just a minute away from the church but had never been there before. She loves gospel music (as a lot of Japanese people do lately) and wanted to see what the church was like. I asked her if she wanted to come back after the Young Time meeting to sing and play together. She said sure!

I don't have a whole lot of sheet music here with me, so I pulled out a copy of Fur Elise and listened to her play a bit. I could tell that she plays more by improvisation so I thought I'd see what she could do with my Sara Groves book. Of course, she's never heard of Sara Groves so it was a risk. The first song we played together-she was on the base line, I took the top and sang the lyrics. I've never played like this with someone, but it was so much fun. I discovered soon that she has an amazing natural sense and we went through the book for a couple of hours. Wow. Any of you who know me well know what Sara Groves means to me. This was such an amazing time and I feel like it was such a gift from the Lord. There I was with this girl I knew for a total of maybe 4 hours and could barely communicate with through English or Japanese, but it was the language of music that brought us together in a really unique way. I'm still just really blown away by how special this afternoon was to me. A great memory, for sure.

And, the best part: I DIDN'T PLAN IT.

June's young time

During our Young Time activity this month, we made a beaded frog cell phone decoration. It was a pretty difficult project but these girls worked really hard till the very end. I was so proud of them! If you want to make one of your own, check out this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IlntLOil64

Our Bible story was the Prodigal Son with a Japanese twist.

lunch out with some students

Another fancy French lunch with some of my English students. They so spoil me and I so let them!

After lunch, we explored the garden behind the restaurant (which used to be an old mansion used by a wealthy man to entertain business clients).

Hoppy Father's Day!

This is a craft I did with my baby English students on Friday.

Kyoto photos

http://picasaweb.google.com/Millie.Michael/Kyoto#

New photos posted!

a dream fulfilled/Thank you Alina!

Before I came to Japan, I received updates from a former SAM in Tokyo named Alina, whom I had yet to meet in person, and I was always so struck by the beauty of her heart melting off of her words in her messages. I knew I wanted to come to Japan and work with this girl! While we didn't get as many chances to be together as either of us would have liked, we did have some amazing times together (Bangkok, for starters!) before she left this last March. Today, I went to Kyoto and finally fulfilled a dream that Alina inspired. She shared her photos from Kyoto with me via Picasa (a web photo album) and I latched on to this photo, which I blogged about in May of 2007. This image really captured the pathway of life for me in a neat way back then. Today, I climbed the same path and took my own picture. The cool part is that I didn't realize that I took almost the SAME EXACT shot until just now when I was uploading the files! Freaky, huh?!





Thanks, Alina for inspiring me to walk this path in Japan! It wasn't always easy, but boy oh boy, there were some breathtaking moments of beauty for sure.

Listening

I get an email daily from The Fish Tank, which is a devotional thought written by John Fischer. The writings are hit and miss, as these things usually are, but I thought this one was worth sharing. I know that my ears have been trying to tune in to the voice of the Lord a lot lately, so maybe yours are too.

Listening by John Fischer

Recently at a mountain retreat, I spent some time alone with the Lord. In the morning fog, I walked until I came to a lookout spot where I could climb up on a large boulder and sit in front of a panoramic view. The sun was just breaking through the fog as if on cue, revealing a valley surrounding a deep blue lake. Early boaters were knifing through the water leaving short white streaks in their wake. Too far away to hear their motors they seemed to be tiny toys silently and mysteriously propelled. I was longing for God to speak to me—audibly would have been great, but I would take anything. It wasn't until later that I realized he did.

You see, I asked God to speak to me…
And he whispered with a cold wind on one side of my face,
and warmed me with the early sun on the other.
I will counter the cold in your life with my warmth.

I asked God to speak to me…
And he sang to me in the birds.
I have taken pleasure in you.
Do you not know that I have actually danced over you with singing?
You are mine.

I said, "Lord, speak to me…"
And he warned me with the barking of a dog.
Spirit of fear, leave! Go! Let oppressive things be gone!

I asked the Lord to speak to me…
And he lifted me up and set me on a rock.
I foreknew you and I predestined you to be conformed to my image.
Were not my plans known even before you were born?

I asked God to speak to me…
And the deep water reflected the blue of the heavens.
Do you not know that I am?
I am that I am; and I am yours.

I asked God to speak to me…
And a large fat blue jay land landed four feet away
and jabbered his head off in my direction.
Do you not know that I have spoken?
Can you not hear me?

which king am I?

In my morning Bible reading the other day I read about King Uzziah, perhaps for the first time. I don't remember his story before. In case you don't either, check out 2 Chronicles 26. King Uzziah had some major success in his history as a king, but pride was his downfall and he sinned by waltzing into the temple to burn incense in the sanctuary. He stepped outside of God's command and took on a role that didn't belong to him. The act of worship itself was a good thing, but the way he went about it was bad. He ignored the laws that were in place because he thought they didn't apply to him. And when the priests came in and confronted him--he was filled with RAGE. The result: he was struck down with leprosy and was cast out of the temple permanently, even being stripped of the honorable burial of a King, being instead buried in an outer field with the leper title forever following him.

Compare this reaction to that of Kind David, who majorly messed up with Bathsheba and having her husband murdered. When the prophet Nathan confronted him about his sin, he was immediately humbled and he confessed with no excuses. I love the language of Psalm 51--the utter brokenness of David is so evident. He admits his need and then realizes that it is only the Lord who can renew him. He pleads for the life of his child, and grieves over his sin, but when the child dies, he rises up and WORSHIPS THE LORD. This is simply amazing to me.

How much do I whine when I have to live through the consequences of my own sin? I don't accept the Lord's will so easily. I kick against his discipline and his best for my life because it's uncomfortable and goes against what I want. I don't want to be enraged and bitter against the Lord for difficult times in my life. I want to have a pliable heart like David. A heart that is being shaped into the likeness of Christ.

mucky muck

I was walking the shortcut to the Sakai church today when I noticed the rice seedlings the farmer planted last week. He was on his little tractor but I didn't get a picture so I googled one so you could get the feel for what I'm talking about. My farmer is a weathered old man with haggard teeth and brown hands. He wears a very Japanese style hat and has a smile which, because of those wild teeth, you can't help but smile back. He asked me last week several questions, but the only one I could understand was "Where are you from?" I look forward to my simple interactions with him every week when I leave the church.

You can see the mud in the picture above, but you can't see any green sludge, which is what I saw today. It made me think about how life is. Despite the mucky, nasty appearance of the rice field, there will be a harvest of beautiful, clean and delicious white rice in the fall. It made me thankful, once again, for the redemption process that we have as sons and daughters of the Most High King.

I'll see about getting some pictures posted of this place the Lord used today to remind me of His ongoing work in my life. It was a much needed lesson, as I'm looking around and seeing more muck than I'd like. Yes, God can and WILL use everything for His glory.

why I'm not sleeping

It's almost 3 am and I'm not sleeping again. Several times, when I was just about to fall asleep, a giant fear gripped my heart. There are so many layers to the fear that I won't go into, but at the root of it is Satan trying to tip me over. Please pray, friends.

I had a great conversation this afternoon with a student who has expressed interest in Christianity. She emailed me and asked me to meet privately. I'm always so amazed when the Lord does this-bringing people to me. Not that this gives any excuse not to be active and ready to share my faith at all times, but to know that it's HIS work and the Holy Spirit is working in people already. It's not like I'm bringing Jesus to Japan. He is here, although often times hidden. Before my student came, I had some difficult conversations that left me feeling really defeated in different fronts of my life. Satan's working hard. When she came, I had an idea to bake brownies together to try to give us something to do that would make the conversation not so awkward for her. Well, my kitchen doesn't really have the best set-up for conversation cooking, so that didn't go according to my plan (my plans never seem to work out anyway). But, I was so impressed by her eagerness to get straight to the point as she asked me questions like, "What's the difference between Protestants and Catholics?" "Why does the New Testament talk about Jewish people a lot?" "If there are so many different types of Protestant churches, do you dislike other churches [because of competing ideas]?" "My friend goes to a meeting in her house where they read the Bible and pray. Is that okay?" "I'm kinda shy and don't like talking in groups. Do I have to talk or pray in a group if I'm a Christian?"

As she left my apartment tonight she said "Thank you for your time. I know you are really busy." I told her that it was my pleasure because these types of nights are exactly why I am in Japan. I didn't answer all of her questions perfectly and I didn't follow the 4 Spiritual Laws steps to salvation. I didn't lay out a clear apologetic for faith. What I did do was share my heart and some smiles with someone searching for peace. I shared the little that I know and prayed that the Holy Spirit would work out my blundering attempts. This is all I can do and that's good because if I thought I had it figured out, I would be living such a sinful lie of pompous self righteousness.

no point really, just rambling

I wonder how many hours I've watched people eating food on Japanese television? This occurred to me just a bit ago as I watched some celebrities eating super cheesy and creamy food that twists my belly into knots just to look at it. How are these people so slim?! Japanese TV has a flavor all it's own. Usually there's some type of drag queen tasting something meccha oishii(totally delicious) and plenty of overly enthusiastic audience reaction. If you run into me soon after I return from Japan in July, this sound may accidentally slip out of my lips. I've adopted some "strange" behaviors in the last 2 years that I've been here.

I'll be leaving this land that has become my home in less than 2 months. How am I feeling about that? Meg asked me today if my impending departure crosses my mind much. If my mind had visible tracks of how often this thought crosses my mind, it would look like those flight route maps that you see in the back of the in-flight magazines that you only read when you've run out of other things to do. The thought both thrills and terrifies me. I have safety here. I have a place to live, a comfortable income and a routine. I go home to a whole bucket full of unknowns and question marks. But, I also go home to people waiting to love on me and to whom I am anxious to return the favor. I have no idea what's up ahead around the corner. I have some ideas of what I'd like to happen, but we all know how this goes.

Mostly, I really just want to process what in the world I've been experiencing here. I know that I'll forever be harvesting the memories and the accompanying life lessons that the Lord has planted in my heart, but I do want to take the time to digest and not rush into the next thing too quickly. You can definitely be praying for this process to begin for me. I was totally overwhelmed with the small bit of packing that I started last Saturday. I have way too much stuff. All searches for apartments and jobs have been put on hold until I return home. It's just too much to handle right now.

The first of many farewell parties (there will be many!) starts this weekend. A group of my students is taking me for a picnic on Saturday. How painful is this going to be to say goodbye over and over again rather than just having one party when I can rip the band aid off at once? Well, it can't be helped; there's no other way to do it. It's time to say goodbye and to remember the faithfulness of the Lord over the last 2 years. I have a feeling this blog will become very sentimental and weepy over the next 2 months. Bring the tissues next time.

English is painful

my favorite moment of the night

Satoko's been studying English a lot lately and really trying to tackle the hard work of training her tongue to take on the "th" sound. It's a hard one for a lot of Japanese.

masked out

PANIC. This is the general feeling I'm getting around Kobe about the swine flu. The whole mask ridiculosity is spreading. I've heard so many outlandish stories from my students about the craziness that surrounds The Mask. All over the city, stores have sold out of masks in the flu flurry. One student noticed a group of people gathered near the train station, so she poked her head in to see what was up. A man was selling 1 mask for 500 yen (about 5 bucks)!! These are DISPOSABLE masks made from PAPER people! Every restaurant worker, convenience store clerk, bus driver and train station staff member is wearing The Mask. Announcements are being made in train stations, in stores and other public places to "please wear a mask." One student told me she wears it because of the strange looks from other people--almost a judgemental stare. Another student explained that she is being responsible in watching out for other people, wearing it for their protection. Some students regretted to inform me that they are taking on a "wait and see attitude" about a farewell party they were planning for me (I'm leaving in 2 months). They just don't know if it's wise to meet in a public place...

Are you noting the condescension in my words?! It's not a lovely attitude to take on, I admit it. But, come on, this is pretty insane, wouldn't you say?

By the way, after wearing my mask on Tuesday for a total of 4 hours, I've developed some type of minor allergic reaction and nasty pimples on my nose from the sweat. Apparently, some masks include a type of anti-bacterial chemical and my sensitive skin didn't handle it very well. ergh. Another reason I'm annoyed with the mask fiasco.

Here's a look at the many types of masks one can buy in Japan: http://www.letsjapan.markmode.com/index.php/2009/05/03/fashionable-flu-filtering-face-masks-from-japan/

watch out!

Back off, Swine Flu! I counted 8 out of 10 people standing in line for the train today wearing masks like this one. I've joined the herd since I spend about 7 hours a week on the train; that's a long time to be exposed to whatever is floating around in that small space with all those people. You see, Japan is a tiny bit smaller than the United States. I read once that Japan is the same size as California with about 4 times the amount of people. Meaning: there are a lot of people jammed in close quarters day in and day out. I've been pretty critical of the Japanese over-reaction to this "pig influenza" (as my students call it), not taking into full consideration how easy it is to pass along germs in this sardine can of a country. 2,000 schools around my prefecture have closed for the week. I noticed how eerily quiet the trains home tonight were, void of the noise of the highschoolers decked out in their uniforms. My baby English class has been cancelled this Friday and I'm wondering if I'll hear word of the same for my Thursday children's classes. This isn't a memory of Japan that I was expecting, but definitely a very unique one.

stinky

I've been trying to avoid news about American Idol since the airing of the show on Fox Japan is behind that of Fox in the US. But tonight, an article caught my eye about one of my favorite finalists, Danny Gokey. Here's the full article, if you care to read it. http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1611245/20090512/story.jhtml

This is the section that really jumped out at me:

Do I want Gokey to win "American Idol"? No. Would I ever buy one of his albums? Probably not. But do I think he's a terrible person? Someone worthy of scorn or ridicule? Everything that's wrong with America? Most definitely not. Because he's taught me a little something about myself. He's exposed an ugly part of my subconscious that I really don't like. And so I'm working on it. I'm not going to hate on Danny Gokey anymore. It will make me a better person.

Because Danny Gokey is what's great about "American Idol." He is the opportunity to learn about ourselves, to grow and to come together as one. To cast aside age-old divides and forge a better tomorrow. He is unity and hope, in spectacles. He's already taught me a new way — and he can do the same thing for you. Embrace him, even if you don't want to. And even if he might be kind of a jerk. Or because he is.

I wasn't aware of any type of ridicule of him with me being this side of the Atlantic, but from the beginning his story held my attention. I imagine that the words of this article would be really encouraging to Danny. I know they would be for me. As the bearers of the Light of Christ, we should always be helping others to learn, to grow, to become that which God has intended them to be. But, being the aroma of Christ isn't easy. We stink it up big time for some people, and for others we are a breath of fresh air (2 Corinthians 2:14-16) . If someone said that I have "exposed an ugly part" of their souls, I would rejoice because this is the first step of transformation. How do we go about revealing those tender spots? With love and grace that's not our own. And from there, we stick it out with the person while those wounds are healed and overcome. What a priviledge it is to work along side the Holy Spirit in caring for the souls of others.

So, stink it up Danny! We love you in Japan!

Spring Hiking pictures

view from the top

I went hiking yesterday with a small group of my students. We hiked to the top of the mountian nearest to my city. I love the view up here.

What's this called?

on perspiration

I inadvertently gave up wearing deodorant for Lent.

Okay. Warning: this will be a weird post, but I wanted to share this because it's been floating around in the jetsam of my brain lately.

I didn't mean to fast my smooth cashmere dove anti-perspirant. It just sort of happened after I realized that I'm not really a big sweater (cable-knit, or otherwise) and don't really need to wear something to keep me from perspiring. (I may change my mind in the summer.) So, here are the two directions my thoughts are going.

1. I need to simplify my life. Why do something just because? There are a lot of areas in my life that could use a spring cleaning, and it probably ought to be an intentional purging rather than an afterthought like this deodorant happening.

2. Why are we so quick to stop something that is natural? What's the purpose of sweat? Okay, I'll do the google work for you. It's our body's way of cooling itself down. It's a response to what is happening internally. Is it really a good idea to keep my body from doing something that it was created to do? I've thought about this when I get a headache and automatically reach for the tylenol. Maybe if I had eaten a regular meal on a regular schedule or had enough water, I wouldn't have a headache. It's a consequence of the decisions or indecisions that I make.

A book I read a while back by Philip Yancey called Where is God When It Hurts really brought this topic to my notice for the first time. I'm not sure if I remember all the details exactly but, pain is a NECESSITY for people who have leprosy. This disease basically leaves the body numb from pain and a person can get dangerous infections from something like wearing ill-fitting shoes. The symptoms and the illness are not the same. Yancey called pain the "gift that no one wants." We need pain to know that something is messed up in our bodies.

I've been listening to some sermon podcasts from Mars Hill Bible church in Grand Rapids for a while. The Lent series has been working through the book of Lamentations (which is actually a poem. Did you know that?) One sermon focused on the art of the lament and how we, in our culture, rush through grief and sadness. Think about it. When someone is crying, we tell them "ssshhh, don't cry. It's okay."

I don't know why I'm afraid of feeling so much sometimes. Am I afraid that I will be consumed by my emotions? I remember giving a presentation in college and for some reason, I was really emotional that day; I think one of my friends was going through a hard time and I was hurting for her. I started my presentation and broke down in front of the class. I had to excuse myself and pull myself together. Later that night, I saw my professor and apologized for breaking down and botching up my assignment. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Millie, someone who feels so deeply doesn't need to apologize." Wow. Those words come back to me again and again.

My first roommate from Anderson died last October suddenly from a brain aneurysm. I'm still in shock. We weren't in regular communication but I was able, by God's gracious wisdom, to spend a few days with her before I came to Japan. She had some really encouraging things to say to me and I'm so thankful I had that time with her. I've rushed through my grief for Rachel. I've done the same thing with the terrible car accident that my family was in 6 years ago. I've got stacks and stacks of hurts waiting for me in a dusty corner of my heart. Occasionally, I'll pick up a crumpled paper and start to read it but put it down before the reality of my pain takes over. I'm not overwhelmed by the stack anymore though. The little bit that I read, even the tiniest bit, is swallowed whole by the good love of God. I don't understand this crazy love and this goodness because His ways are far, far beyond me. But even so, I feed him the little bits of paper when I can and trust that someday we will have shredded through the whole stack.

Spring Break in Seoul

Full size pictures can be viewed at this site:

http://picasaweb.google.co.jp/Millie.Michael/Seoul?feat=directlink

Oishii desu

misadventures in gardening

I don't take after my mother when it comes to loving plants well. She's one of those people that rescues the almost dead "orphan" plants at Wal-mart. I'm a murderer. Here's the evidence...

This is by far the worst case. It was a hibiscus... I haven't had the heart to break it apart and trash it yet. I tried really hard to keep this thing going--even giving it a few showers to get rid of the mites that had attacked it.

This is the latest victim. I just transplanted it into this great tea mug that one of my students gave me. It's so droopy. I'm hoping once the shock of the move wears off, the little faces will perk up.

I think this one is too crowded in the pot. The twiggy things on the right used to have tiny, cute white flowers, but they fell off. Actually, I'm not too sad about that because the scent was so strong it gave me a headache.

This one is actually doing really well. And, you can see my antique salt and pepper shakers in the background that I mentioned in a previous post.

This is my favorite one--and it's actually thriving with a new tiny, white flower that's bloomed this week. I love this bonsai tree.

a regular feature of American life?

This is from an article concerning a shooting in Alabama that happened just yesterday. It makes me sad this is how people view the U.S.

"Mass shootings have become a feature of life of the United States in recent years.

In one of the most recent incidents, a gunman dressed as Santa Claus killed nine party guests on Christmas Eve, before taking his own life in Covina, California, a suburb of Los Angeles.

On April 16, 2007, Virginia Tech, a university in Blacksburg, Virginia, became the site of the deadliest rampage in modern U.S. history when a student gunman killed 32 people and himself.

Guns are widely available for purchase in the United States, a country that prides itself on the right to own weapons for self defense and hunting."
(Writing by Matthew Bigg; editing by Tom Brown)
http://www.reuters.com/article/bondsNews/idUSN1036167920090311

My Apartment

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

*notice my strange accent...I suppose this is what I sound like when I'm speaking English with Japanese people... :)

can you crack this code?

(note: sorry, Mom to include you in my blog tonight, but this was too good to pass up!)

My Mom has always entertained me with her notoriously bad typing. But, recently she has started texting me on her cell phone, which has tripled the guffaws. Tell me, what do you think this means:
"I am sk ths morog"

loverly day

It really was a great day last Saturday when I went with some of my students to Ayabe. We started the day with a French lunch."

"Kani Miso" for starters. (ground up crab brains mixed with mashed potatoes and some Italian bread twigs) It wasn't nearly as disgusting as it sounds. It was actually quite good.

Next course: tiny veggies (yes, that's one piece each of broccoli, asparagus and cauliflower) The black half circle is jellied blow fish, some other fish I can't remember and squid ink. Again, not too bad.

Soup Course: Carrot Potage. creamy goodness.

Main Course: A mild white fish with vegetables and a tasty creamy sauce. Nice flavor. All of this was accompanied by some locally made "Ume" (plum) juice.

Dessert! That's plum ice cream under the tear drop shaped cookie thing. There was also fruit, a baked thingamabob with caraway seeds and a tea flavored custard. Yum.

And finally....my FAVORITE part.....

How sweet is this! I squealed with delight when I poured the milk in the cup because the most beautiful swirls came to the surface. Simple joys, right?

We had an amazing view of the "kira kira" (sparkling) ocean.

After lunch, we made our way up to the "Ume" (Plum) tree grove.

Spring is here!!! Hang on, my Indiana friends! She's coming soon to you too!