confessions of a Water Walker

Friday, July 03, 2009

Pensive, Doubting, Fearful Heart

Pensive, doubting, fearful heart

Hear what Christ the Savior says

Every word should joy impart

Change thy mourning into praise

Yes, He speaks and speaks to thee

May He help thee to believe

Then thou presently will see

Thou has little cause to grieve

Fear thou not, nor be ashamed

All thy sorrows soon shall end

I, who heaven and earth have framed

Am thy Husband and thy Friend

I, the High and Holy One

Israel's God, by all adored

As thy Savior will be known

Thy Redeemer and thy Lord

For a moment I withdrew

And thy heart was filled with pain

But my mercies I'll renew

Thou shall soon rejoice again

Though I seem to hide my face

Very soon my wrath shall cease

'Tis but for a moment's space

Ending in eternal peace

Though afflicted, tempest tossed

Comfortless awhile thou art

Do not think thou can be lost

Thou art graven on my heart

All thy wastes I will repair

Thou shalt be rebuilt anew

And in thee it shall appear

What the God of love can do

words by John Newton, 1779

Check out Red Mountain Church:

http://www.redmountainchurch.org/rmm/alb/lyrics.html

Thursday, July 02, 2009

finding my heartbeat again

fear. let's be honest here. How many decisions do you make based on fear? fear of what others will think/say. fear of missing out on something. fear of regretting something later on.

The one message that is repeated over and over in the Bible is "Do not be afraid." I often go back to Peter walking on the water and how he began to sink when his eyes were taken off of the Lord and he noticed the waves crashing around him. The reality of his situation was surrounding him and he thought, as we all would, "What am I doing?!"

I've had some of this sinking going on in the last month. The reality of going back home to square one is staring me in the face. It's hard. I've had some disappointments here. It hasn't been exactly what I'd hoped it would be. Going back to no big plan isn't exactly what I would call success.

What have I done with these fears? I've not trusted the Lord with my life. I've turned to relationships back home that could make me feel safe instead of putting my life, my hopes and desires in the only hands that are capable to handle them. I've become a whiner, kicking and screaming for my own way, demanding to know time lines and promises that aren't mine to be had just yet. I've been a real treat.

So then, what's to be done with all this mess? The only thing that can be done is to cry out, once again to the Lord and to confess that I haven't trusted him to give me good things. I have placed my own knowledge ahead of his. I have made an idol of safety and an ideal life.

And the Lord runs to me and wraps his arms around me because he sees my broken heart. He draws me close to his chest and I can hear his heart beating again, tuning my own heartbeat to his and there's no other place I'd rather be.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

a sweet sweat

There's something really nice about sweating on purpose. Asako wanted to give me a gift that I didn't have to carry home since I have A TON of stuff, so she arranged for us to have a fun day of pampering by going to the spa where we lay on slabs of HOT marble. I could feel the sweat rolling down my back and I loved every minute of it. Getting out all the impurities from my pores. There's some deeper Truth in this, I think. Then, we had an amazing hour long aroma therapy massage. I thought about what Jesus did when he washed his disciples feet and the act of service that he demonstrated. My masseuse was being paid to rub me down, but if you've ever had a massage with no expectation of giving one in return, you get my drift. Anyway, it was a great day and the best gift anyone has ever given me.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Playing supunzu

Please notice how happy Mr. Oyagi is to snatch a spoon! Precious!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Mukade Attacks!

It's rainy season in Japan and that means that the centipedes are here too. These are creepy creatures that make us all crazy! At the end of one of my kid's English classes, we had this uninvited guest. It took about 20 minutes, but we finally got rid of the thing. I was so happy that I brought my camera and got to capture this priceless moment!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

unexpected

This was a most interesting day. I've been learning all kinds of lessons lately about making plans and not making plans and searching out God's best plans for my life. Today's curriculum followed suit.

I had invited the student that I wrote about a few posts ago to a beach party put on by a group of churches. There would be a bunch of young, Japanese people who love Jesus and possibly a baptism or two there. I was surprised that she quickly and gladly accepted the invitation (why was I so surprised!? The Lord's really working on her heart!). She was interested in seeing what this baptism thing is all about and to meet the pastors of some young and exciting international churches in the area. The plan was to meet her at the party and see if she would be open to meeting with me and the pastor and his wife to talk through the experience on Thursday. The pastor and his wife were really excited and I was too because it would be a chance to really tag team this ministry thing.

Well, this morning when I woke up it was raining off and on, so the beach party was off. I emailed her and confirmed the cancellation. I was bummed and felt even worse later because the rain totally cleared up. The party/baptism was probably still going to happen but it was too late to reverse the cancellation! (okay...why am I feeling guilty about this? I know I'm good, but I CAN'T control the weather!!)

I reminded myself that there must be a good reason the Lord was turning things in this direction, and this truth was soon evident. We had a young lady come to the church for the first time. Through some broken English/Japanese we discovered that we both love singing and playing piano. She lives just a minute away from the church but had never been there before. She loves gospel music (as a lot of Japanese people do lately) and wanted to see what the church was like. I asked her if she wanted to come back after the Young Time meeting to sing and play together. She said sure!

I don't have a whole lot of sheet music here with me, so I pulled out a copy of Fur Elise and listened to her play a bit. I could tell that she plays more by improvisation so I thought I'd see what she could do with my Sara Groves book. Of course, she's never heard of Sara Groves so it was a risk. The first song we played together-she was on the base line, I took the top and sang the lyrics. I've never played like this with someone, but it was so much fun. I discovered soon that she has an amazing natural sense and we went through the book for a couple of hours. Wow. Any of you who know me well know what Sara Groves means to me. This was such an amazing time and I feel like it was such a gift from the Lord. There I was with this girl I knew for a total of maybe 4 hours and could barely communicate with through English or Japanese, but it was the language of music that brought us together in a really unique way. I'm still just really blown away by how special this afternoon was to me. A great memory, for sure.

And, the best part: I DIDN'T PLAN IT.

June's young time

During our Young Time activity this month, we made a beaded frog cell phone decoration. It was a pretty difficult project but these girls worked really hard till the very end. I was so proud of them! If you want to make one of your own, check out this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IlntLOil64