fear. let's be honest here. How many decisions do you make based on fear? fear of what others will think/say. fear of missing out on something. fear of regretting something later on.
The one message that is repeated over and over in the Bible is "Do not be afraid." I often go back to Peter walking on the water and how he began to sink when his eyes were taken off of the Lord and he noticed the waves crashing around him. The reality of his situation was surrounding him and he thought, as we all would, "What am I doing?!"
I've had some of this sinking going on in the last month. The reality of going back home to square one is staring me in the face. It's hard. I've had some disappointments here. It hasn't been exactly what I'd hoped it would be. Going back to no big plan isn't exactly what I would call success.
What have I done with these fears? I've not trusted the Lord with my life. I've turned to relationships back home that could make me feel safe instead of putting my life, my hopes and desires in the only hands that are capable to handle them. I've become a whiner, kicking and screaming for my own way, demanding to know time lines and promises that aren't mine to be had just yet. I've been a real treat.
So then, what's to be done with all this mess? The only thing that can be done is to cry out, once again to the Lord and to confess that I haven't trusted him to give me good things. I have placed my own knowledge ahead of his. I have made an idol of safety and an ideal life.
And the Lord runs to me and wraps his arms around me because he sees my broken heart. He draws me close to his chest and I can hear his heart beating again, tuning my own heartbeat to his and there's no other place I'd rather be.
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