One step closer, maybe...

My heart is full today as I think about a new opportunity that God has given me for Japan. This is all coming so quickly and it's hard to explain in an orderly way. Here's an excerpt from an email I sent to some friends this week:

"You may have received a letter from Asian Access this last week updating you and my supporters with the latest. As you may have guessed, it wasn't an easy letter to send. God has been doing a lot with me in the whole thing. It's been a roller coaster of emotions. It's a long explanation and the lines are a little blurry, but the short of it is that I am ready to look at other ways to get to Japan than with Asian Access. You may remember that 2 years ago, in the beginning of all this, an option to go with the Church of God (Anderson) was a possibility. I've been in touch with a couple of young women who have been serving there as SAMs (Special Assignment Missionaries) with the Church of God over the last 2 years. I'm realizing that my heart still yearns for Japan and that I am now willing to look at other options. Many people have asked me why I haven't considered other options (going with a denomination or teaching English with a Japanese company) and my answer always was that I am committed to Asian Access and am passionate about their vision for ministry in Japan. I can't say that these things are no longer true. But, I can say that I don't think now is the time for me to "marry" with Asian Access.

I think that having the stability of a denominational missions program is a good thing for a young, single female just starting out in this field. Choosing the Church of God is comfortable because of my 20+ years connection with them. The ministry assignment is very similar to what I would be doing with Asian Access (teaching English as a means of evangelism with 3 Japanese churches in Kobe and Osaka). I would be in the same area as some Asian Access missionaries that I have started to build relationships with. It's a 2 year minimum commitment with a salary and no support raising responsibilities. I would leave sometime late August or early September.

I feel very excited but still reserved in my celebration. I've had my hopes up so many times before, I'm afraid of being burned again. I just can't ignore this desire to be in Japan when there is this amazing opportunity standing in front of me. For a long time, I gave myself a guilt trip for thinking about taking the "easy way out" by choosing a salaried position. Some how I got the wrong idea that support raising was an ultra-spiritual way to do missions. I am humbled now."

When the letter went out to my supporters, it was a big reality check for me. I realized just how much I was worried about the way I would be perceived. I was worried that they would think I was a flake or not listening to God or something. I'm learning (once again!!) that I can't be motivated by what other people think of me.

So, right now I am back in the application process for this SAM program. If my references go through okay, I should be invited for an interview in Anderson some time soon. I'm guessing that I should know mid-June or so about the final decision. So far, I feel a huge sense of peace to step forward. I just need to think through the details (whether I can pay my student loans with my salary, insurance, ministry philosophy, etc.) Needless to say--I'm excited!