retro HoneyRock reflections

I found some emails that I sent out to friends summing up some my HoneyRock experience. It may not mean a whole lot to many of you, but I wanted to post it here mainly for my own benefit. Sorry! Purely narcissistic motives!

(dated 6/01/05)
Like many other late nights in recent history, Japan is on my mind. I was cruising the Asian Access webpage and happened upon a fun picture of myself and my fellow soul caregivers last summer. Take a peek:http://www.lifejapan.org/heds/hedstory_041103.html I have sent in my application for the church planting program and am scheduling a phone interview this week. It's been such a long process so far that at the present it feels like Japan was a dream, and I'm remembering a faint whisper of a calling. Pray for that I will remember (with vigor), those in Japan that had such an impact and those who have yet to hear and follow in obedience our Risen Savior.
I am currently sitting in my parent's guest room, listening to Shawn Colvin (a new favorite), attempting to reflect on 3 months of a long winter's service inWisconsin. This is my desperately needed spring break (2 weeks long!). The last that you heard from me was at the beginning of the winter season, I believe. There's been so many EVENTS and THINGS happening--it seems as if I've missed the SPIRIT of it all. Where has Christ been walking alongside me on this road to Emmaus? Have I missed Him this time around? Was my heart burning within me? I'm not even sure.
I hosted a couple of groups that came up to HoneyRock for retreat. They were all so different. The first was from Wheaton COllege. It was the HNGR group (Human Needs and Global Resources) come back from their various internships in third-world countries. This was such a beautiful group of people! So much laughter and comaraderie. I remember one night's bonfire, where stories of God's faithfulness were shared under the canopy of stars and accompanied by the moans of frozen lake (some say it sounds like the songs of whales). The students clumped together for warmth around the fire and shared in their seperate groupings stories of their last 6 months in such a drastically different world. I sat in that circle of nomads and watched the sparks of the fire rise into the air and thought about what joy the Father must have in hearing all these individual stories rise together--thanksgiving sacrifices.

The second hosting opportunity was with Calvary Memorial Church from Oakpark(Chicago). This is a group of "single adults" that have come to HoneyRock for about 15 years now. The same group of adults that started as single adults and have since then become married adults, at least some have. Others are not married, but continue to meet together every year, even after some have moved to other states. Their faithfulness to each other and this common love of their time at HoneyRock was so endearing. They were definietly a unique group of people and were a change of pace from the regular youth group types that came through HoneyRock. Karin, our retreat coordinator, told me that she picked me especially for this group because she "knew I could handle the "quirks" of Ray. Ray is the main contact person of this group. He is an avalanche of a person! I took Karin's comment as a compliment and then I thought, "What in the world have I signed up for?" as I read through the last couple year's reports on the group. I was prepared for the worst. Ray was describes as ecentric, wired, controlling, nitpicky, and domineering. Sounds inviting, huh? In the end, I can say that Ray is a lovely human being and I enjoyed him and this group emmensely! The highlight: square dancing to "Pink Cadilac." You gotta hear the 65 year old woman "call" it first hand to appreciate it fully. I discovered after these two groups that I was officially allergic to lead hosting: I ended both retreats sick and in bed, unable to personally see them off!

Those were the only groups I lead hosted. I was on hosting staff for 5,6, or 7 other groups (they all blend together!). These were all youth groups that came in for the weekends starting after Christmas until the beginning of March. My week shifted around so that Monday and Tuesday became my "weekend" to recover and ready myself for another round of retreats.It was exhausting.

Here's where confession and absolution come in. We were charged with a mission of seeking a "ministry of receiving" based on John 15--the idea of abiding in Christ and receiving ALL things ONLY from Him. I love the imagery from this passage, but I confess, I get lost in the poetry of it all, and I neglect the hard Truth that I can do NOTHING apart from the Father. I brought on myself an unnecessary drought and my roots are parched. I tried to do many things on my own, in my own way, rejecting that which was extended to me. This no doubt, is the source of my disappointment in my time of service as I look back on the season. Why, dear reader, do we scramble to dethrone the One that deserves to be there? A hard lesson to relearn, but I trust in faith that it will prove fruitful for some future happening.

In the midst of this hosting, I continued on as a student, ever reading and writing. And reading and writing... The 13 of us 12 monthers joined forces in a research project on youth culture and curriculum. We observed the youth that came through (about 900 in total!) and put together a 113 page ethnographic analysis of the whole thing. It was really a beautiful thing, all of us coming together to write this monster paper. There were some meetings in the beginning of the project that were not so beautiful. Remember that our 12 month family is learning to love authentically in all our good and bad days? Some of those bad days left me wounded and dragging my injured parts around the camp, wounding others along the way. I was so glad to see the thing finished and out of my hands.

Also in the mix of things was my final comprehensive exam that toke place mid-February. This was a huge hurdle to overcome in anticipation of graduation in May. There were 4 of us that took the test. We will also take part in a retreat the end of April where we will present to all of our professors and fellow-students a case study, of which we have yet to receive and work on. I would appreciate your prayers there.

We made our decisions for our summer positions in Feb. I will be acting as the chaplain for the female staff/students. My co-hort will be Jon Lord--acting as the male's chaplain. I look forward to this summer of serving in this way, anticipating challenges of preaching/teaching (especially in the area of being received as a woman in ministry) and tending to my own soul. A well respected spiritual mother on camp has agreed to serving me as a spiritual guide/prayer warrior for the summer.