I'm feeling more adventuresome with my Japanese and actually felt some success last week. I pushed myself to speak every Japanese word I could when I went out to dinner with one of my students. Tonight at a convenience store, the clerk made eye contact with me (I'm realizing how strange it is to type this as it's not unusual in the US, but is so, so rare here) and I took this as an invitation. I read his name tag aloud and pointed to myself and said my name. (Me Tarzan, You Jane, grunt, grunt) It was awkward and so basic, but I felt a sense of triumph in moving outside my caged self. I think a lot of times, I place the blame for my atrophy on the Japanese--like it's their fault that I can't live free and vibrantly anymore. But really, it's my fear that holds me back. When I get a taste of my realness and realize how much I miss that person, I am encouraged to tear off my entanglements and run free.
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