why I'm not sleeping

It's almost 3 am and I'm not sleeping again. Several times, when I was just about to fall asleep, a giant fear gripped my heart. There are so many layers to the fear that I won't go into, but at the root of it is Satan trying to tip me over. Please pray, friends.

I had a great conversation this afternoon with a student who has expressed interest in Christianity. She emailed me and asked me to meet privately. I'm always so amazed when the Lord does this-bringing people to me. Not that this gives any excuse not to be active and ready to share my faith at all times, but to know that it's HIS work and the Holy Spirit is working in people already. It's not like I'm bringing Jesus to Japan. He is here, although often times hidden. Before my student came, I had some difficult conversations that left me feeling really defeated in different fronts of my life. Satan's working hard. When she came, I had an idea to bake brownies together to try to give us something to do that would make the conversation not so awkward for her. Well, my kitchen doesn't really have the best set-up for conversation cooking, so that didn't go according to my plan (my plans never seem to work out anyway). But, I was so impressed by her eagerness to get straight to the point as she asked me questions like, "What's the difference between Protestants and Catholics?" "Why does the New Testament talk about Jewish people a lot?" "If there are so many different types of Protestant churches, do you dislike other churches [because of competing ideas]?" "My friend goes to a meeting in her house where they read the Bible and pray. Is that okay?" "I'm kinda shy and don't like talking in groups. Do I have to talk or pray in a group if I'm a Christian?"

As she left my apartment tonight she said "Thank you for your time. I know you are really busy." I told her that it was my pleasure because these types of nights are exactly why I am in Japan. I didn't answer all of her questions perfectly and I didn't follow the 4 Spiritual Laws steps to salvation. I didn't lay out a clear apologetic for faith. What I did do was share my heart and some smiles with someone searching for peace. I shared the little that I know and prayed that the Holy Spirit would work out my blundering attempts. This is all I can do and that's good because if I thought I had it figured out, I would be living such a sinful lie of pompous self righteousness.